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Sad News in Fandom

I just read that blue_fjords has died. This is so sad. I did not know her, but I've read her Torchwood fanfic, and her name was very familiar to me. I am so sorry to hear this. She will be missed.

http://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_fjords/pseuds/blue_fjords/works

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
badly_knitted
Aug. 10th, 2015 10:27 am (UTC)
Such sad news! She was such a great writer and though I didn't know her well, we had spoken via comments on a number of occasions and she was always lovely. She and her talent will be missed. =(

I am glad that at least on this occasion we know instead of just having a writer disappear and never knowing why. My thoughts go out to her friends and family.
excentric397
Aug. 10th, 2015 02:43 pm (UTC)
It is hard when some just disappears and you don't know why. I think I mentioned I used to like a writer when I first started reading TW fanfic, I have since forgotten the name, but it was something with Tiger in it, I think. Anyone, blog just gone one day. That's it.

For some reason, even though I had no contact with blue_fjords, this really saddened me. I liked her stories, and it seems she was a great person, too. Life goes on, like that's supposed to help when bad things happen, right?
badly_knitted
Aug. 10th, 2015 05:19 pm (UTC)
Life goes on but it doesn't help. I'm still reeling from losing mum back in February. For some reason a lot of stuff is only just hitting me now, causing severe anxiety attacks. Now one of my favourite fanfic writers is gone and she was so young and it's not fair. She should have had so much longer. Why do so many of the really good people die so young? I miss her even though I haven't read any of her fics recently. Seems every time I turn around, someone else I've liked is gone and it just makes me so sad all the time =(
excentric397
Aug. 10th, 2015 09:20 pm (UTC)
I know. Sometimes it's really hard to cope. Bad stuff happens and we get no say in it at all. I hope you are getting help with the anxiety attacks. I used to have them, and I know they are not pleasant. I took generic ativan now and then, when I felt one starting. It helped. I liked that I didn't have to take it unless it was needed, too. I've pretty much gotten past it all now, but I do have moments where I have more vague anxiety, but not a real episode, or an actual panic attack. Those were really not fun.

It does get easier to deal with loss. Not necessarily better, but you kind of get used to it after a time. When my granddaughter died, it took a long time before I could remember her fondly, and not just remember the bad stuff that happened. Now I'm pretty mellow about it, but it was a long time ago, too.

You just have to get through it, right?
badly_knitted
Aug. 10th, 2015 10:16 pm (UTC)
Yeah, just keep pushing through. I've got some anxiety meds that I'm supposed t start taking, but I was also on antibiotics and I couldn't juggle both with my other meds so I haven't started them yet. Hopefully they'll help and not make things worse. I've been addicted to tranquillizers twice because of idiot medical people, but these are supposedly not habit forming. Keep your fingers crossed.

Losing your granddaughter must have been awful. People shouldn't have to outlive their grandkids.

I've had anxiety problems and panic attacks for years, but never this bad.

Thanks. *hugs*
excentric397
Aug. 10th, 2015 10:40 pm (UTC)
Replied in the email, but it didn't show up here so:

Yeah, it was a pretty horrible end to a pretty horrible year. She was just a baby, fourteen months old, and had been in hospital for six months after she was born, then in and out constantly til she finally died, poor thing. It's the way life is, I guess. Bad stuff and good stuff. I try really hard to focus on the good stuff. It takes work, for sure.

Do they have meds you can take just when you are starting to feel the anxiety, instead of something you have to take daily? I would ask about all your options. I think you'd be less likely to have addictions problems with an as-needed, but I don't really know. I took tranquilizers once. I spent a lot of time zoned out. Fortunately, I wasn't on them long. Postpartum depression, I think they said it was. Freaking out, is what I called it.

You've been through a lot, and it takes time to get over loss, and adjusting to living a different way, different needs, different daily actions. It will get better. I remember when my dad died, even though he lived 2,000 miles away, I would see him everywhere I went. Not really him, of course, but someone who sparked the 'oh, there's Dad' until they moved or turned or whatever. Logically, I knew it couldn't possibly be him, but emotionally, there he was for that split second. I dreamed about him a lot too, for awhile.
badly_knitted
Aug. 10th, 2015 10:57 pm (UTC)
That's so sad! *hugs*

I've only had a few dreams about mum, but one was so real, she was right there in her chair and we were talking and suddenly in my dream I realised I was dreaming and woke up. I wish I could have just stayed asleep a little while longer talking to mum.

I need something a bit more long term that 'as needed' right now, the anxiety is making everything difficult and the panic attacks are near constant. So. I'll have to try the pills soon and see how I get on with them. Just hope they don't make me sleepy.

excentric397
Aug. 10th, 2015 11:20 pm (UTC)
I hope they don't have unwanted side effects. I used to take allergy pills like that. I wasn't sneezing anymore, but I wasn't awake, either. Sorry you are having a hard time. Be strong.
badly_knitted
Aug. 11th, 2015 10:10 am (UTC)
Thank you.

I already take allergy tablets, but thankfully they don't make me sleepy. I'm just worried that the combination will, since both can cause drowsiness. Still haven't dared try them. I'm a coward.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )